Learning How to Save Day By Day
I’ve been writing a lot on my more public blog lately and not so much here. getting a little more transparent over there. Why don’t you come find me there? I may write here again, but I don’t know yet.
Thanks for reading ~Jessica
http://thesavingmomparents.wordpress.com
Okay, so it wasn’t so big, but it was fun. I kept asking Yummy to tell me what he was seeing. Honestly, we didn’t see any bugs until this gorgeous butterfly at the end who simply wouldn’t participate for a photo. I did get a few cute ones of the boys. This walk seemed to be all about sticks and leaves for Yummy and I came home with a little pile of kindling in my free hand. It was really fun to talk a walk from my kiddos point of view.
Here is a shot of Yummy for a top view…
Click here to see more pictures…
http://thesavingmomparents.wordpress.com/2010/08/17/the-big-walk/
~Jessica
*I am posting this on both my main blogs in its entirity because it’s all about new beginnings. ~J
I have been struggling to write for some time now. Struggling because I feel like every word hitting the page seems to be stagnant and boring. Feeling as if I must be boring. Realizing that the style of writing I have been doing is not the real me. Well, it is and it isn’t. It seems to me that I write as someone who is trying to be interesting. Trying to say to others “pay attention to me”. Letting the lonely side of me shout as it is so desperate to be heard. And yet in trying to attain that perfection is my words I have become dull. I realized today that my writing is missing the wonder. And then I realized that my life in many ways misses the wonder. I focus on things trying to make them just so. In the dark stillness I berate myself for falling short, for letting someone see me slip. I force feed myself excuses as to why I didn’t accomplish all that I wanted to. I push myself into the admin role instead of letting the creative creature I am stumble out into the light. The appearance of things has caused me to jump into a mold that I wasn’t made for. I delight in cleanliness. I delight in order. The thing that mixes me all up is that I delight in the chaos too. I love when not everything matches. I don’t mind a chipped dish. I like to feel that homey feel. In my struggle to be what I have believed others needed me to be I have somehow lost myself. At least in the way I live. But buried just below the surface, that little urchin of fun desires to dance.
I am about to go on a journey. No more plodding along. No more getting weighed down by expectations. I want to try this thing they call real life. I want to twirl and leap as I make my way. I need to find out what I have buried. I need to take off the chains of caring what others think about me and run with abandon. I want to open my mouth and allow my heart’s song to fill the air and rejoice. The fetters of obligation will no longer be a part of who I am. I don’t have to be a grown-up every minute of every day. I am once again going to relish a passionate relationship with my Savior, my Jesus, my friend. Forget the walls that I have built to protect myself from others cruel and harsh criticism. Forget the pain that has slowed my progress. Forget everyone else’s ideas on who I am supposed to be, what I am supposed to do, how I am to behave and what I need to believe. I will not be beholden to those things anymore. There are no more labels that can convince me to come under their banner just because they are the appropriate way to be. I don’t need a label. I am unique. I will act unique. I will live unique. I will be.
Just as Jehovah told Moses, “I AM.” so will I be. I am Me. So, who is that really. Well, if you are a true friend of mine you have seen glimpses of me. A shadow of the real me has crossed my path more than once begging me to release my inhibitions. Parts of me have been hidden a long, long time. I will have to discover them. Sometimes I think some parts of me have drifted away on the wind. Perhaps if I fly more kites I will find the current they are hidden in and catch them again. Who knows? Tiny threads of my tapestry might be hidden around every corner. All I know, I am 30 years old and I am sick of being a doormat to embarrassment.
So, what does this mean for my blog? Simply that I am coming into my own. And I am saving me. I am opening new doors and eagerly anticipating what I might find instead of dreading it. Things might get a little messy before I’m done. Real life is messy. I do know that when I am done (although that might never be)…okay, let’s say as I progress I will be a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better friend…a better me.
It’s time to allow the burning fire to burn away all that isn’t real. I know I am much deeper than I have been existing. I am much more exciting that I have allowed myself to be. I am much more patient and forgiving and allowing than I have ever thought possible.
I would love to find that others find this journey appealing and hang with me through it. I would love to find that there are others who will encourage me as I go and even to push me should I hesitate to be real. I know I have one supporter who has stood by my side for a long time. He has loved me, the real me in spite of all the kinks and quirks he has found. I know he also will delight in the real me showing my face. This amazing man is my husband. Thank you darling for your love and support. It has only taken me a bit longer to find my way than one might have thought. Thank you for allowing e to come to this place by myself. Thank you for enduring me when I was so stuck. Thank you for shoveling up the yuck that I have dished out too many times. You are a rock…a gem…a true treasure! I love you more than words can say! I recommit to you all that I am under God. May you find the girl of your dreams once again. May you also find a new place to delight.
Thank you to anyone who follows this blog. I would love to have you laugh and dance on this path with me. And for you, I close with words from my heritage…
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
~Jessica
(First post from my phone ever!)
One of the ways I save money around here is by pulling out the old scissors and snipping away. Granted, I would probably do it even if we had the money because it’s something I love to do. I have never been formally trained, but I do have a knack for it.
Shortly after I got married I started to try my hand at color and found I loved it. I was encouraged to pursue it by friends and even looked into going to school for it. I attempted a few cuts and found that I could do a pretty decent job. I don’t do nearly as many people as I used to. I don’t have the time and not as much desire anymore either. Probably because I like to experiment and a lot of people just want something less funky. I can do less funky, but I find it boring to cut. I do however do the cuts at home.
Hubby has been through the ringer in the way of hairstyles since we’ve been married. It has been multiple lengths and colors and styles. For the last year, it’s been a pretty simple buzz on the sides and choppy short top. Recently, he told me he wanted to grow it a bit, but tonight he actually told me he’s ready for a trim. Yummy has only ever had Mommy cuts. His hair is a bit difficult. He has a giant cowlick in the back and a receding hairline with minimal growth in the front. The stuff at the top back stands up straight or if I let it get long it, it has a huge bump. I know there are women who would kill for that body. J/K. It’s been a bit of an emo style or as some people would call it a “Kate Gosselin”. I finally chopped into the top of it and it came out super cute. Getting his haircut is not one of his favorite activities, but suckers and Sweettarts help immensely
Squeaky has almost no hair, but I love his cute little peach fuzz anyway.
Check out this link for my hair story and pictures!
~Jessica
http://thesavingmomparents.wordpress.com/2010/08/10/time-for-a-change/
Starting to feed my squeaky one and here’s how I’m doing it.
http://thesavingmomparents.wordpress.com/2010/08/09/have-i-jumped-off-the-deep-end/
~Jessica
Here is a link to a blog post I wrote with updates to my life.
~Jessica
http://thesavingmomparents.wordpress.com/2010/08/08/seems-like-forever/
Today’s post may be a bit controversial. It has to do with birth control and what I believe God’s desire for us is. Check it out if you’re interested.
~Jessica
http://90-day-bible-challenge.blogspot.com/2010/07/day-3-genesis-2820-4011-jessica.html
July 8, 2010
The Saving Mom
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This reading TRUSTING God really struck me. See why here!
~Jessica
http://90-day-bible-challenge.blogspot.com/2010/07/day-2-genesis-171-2819-jessica.html
July 8, 2010
The Saving Mom
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Some friends and I are taking on a challenge to read the Bible in 90 days. We have a blog to post about our thoughts and insights as we read through. I will be posting links to my posts, but feel free to read other’s posts as well. You might find them challenging and just want to try this adventure for your self.
~Jessica
http://90-day-bible-challenge.blogspot.com/2010/07/day-1-genesis-11-1616-jessica.html
I have been known on the rare occasion to over-react. I know for those of you who know me that this is hard for you to believe. Haha… Anway, this is a little story about how God had something to teach me and I overreacted to it.
It all has to do with money and things. I am really getting sick of worrying about both. As a one income family, it can really be a pain in the butt when little issues come up. Recently, it seems like I have been bombarded with issues, and not just little ones, but MONDO sized ones. (does anybody say mondo anymore?) I really don’t feel like going into all of them right now, but let’s just say they are unplanned expenses that aren’t going to be cheap.
To help ease the load we are careful with our things. We make do with older items or make our own, etc. We watch others we know be frivioulous about their money and belongings and I must admit there can be a certain amount of jealously that arises when I see that. Of course, and here is where I have to reign myself in, there sometimes is a certain amount of judgement that happens too. Ridiculous! It wasn’t so long we lived that way ourselves.
{Dear Lord, help me to see things how you see them. Don’t let me judge others because of what they have or don’t have. Help me to celebrate the blessings that You have given each one of us. Help me to lean more on you that I might really SEE the blessing you have given us!}
Well, I wasn’t sure I was even going to post about this, because it really embarrasses me. My behavior was totally out of line. It all started with beef stew. I know, you are wondering how in the world I am going to come around to my point when I start with beef stew. Okay, so I made a really good batch of beef stew and homemade biscuits to go with it a few Friday nights ago. We ate it for dinner one night and there were enough leftovers for a small bowl and a lunch portion for my man. I ate the small bowl and sent the lunch to work in one of my favorite storage containers along with the leftover biscuits. This is sounding boring, but I promise the story gets more exciting.
So, J calls me during the day and I ask him how he enjoyed his lunch that day. Well, he hesitantly tells me, somebody threw it away. What? I instantly flew into a rage. What do you mean somebody threw it away? Turns out somebody at work decided that they would clean out the fridge Monday morning and just toss everything in there into the garbage. I was livid and pretty much yelled at J…like it was his fault. I wanted him to track down who did that and make them apologize. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t have money to buy another lunch. We don’t have money to buy another container (which was one of my favs). Plus that was really good stew and I hated to see it wasted like that.
Seriously, I made a big deal out of a take and toss style container getting thrown out and J not having a lunch. In reality. missing one lunch is really no big deal for J. When I used to work full time he often didn’t get a lunch packed for him. Plus, he reminded me that he had a protein bar he could eat. While I was talking to J about this I was changing Squeaky’s diaper and he was crying mercilessly and this may have added to my frustration. J was starting to get mad at me to0 for yelling at him. Finally, I told him that I couldn’t talk anymore, so I hung up and threw the phone down.
Now, for the exciting part….
I finished the diaper change and quieted Squeaks and started to think about my bad attitude and bad behavior. Within 30 minutes I called J back to apologize because I remembered something. I remembered the scripture verse that says “My God shall supply all of your needs according to HIS riches in glory! ” Philippians 4:19.
Then I remembered something about that protein bar. I sign up for a lot of free samples and that protein bar was one that I had gotten in the mail the day before. Right after opening the mail I handed the bar over to J telling him he could save it for a day when I wasn’t up to packing him a lunch. Amazing how that bar arrived the day before he needed it. God knew he would need something to eat that day. Not only did He provide it, but He had me give it to J seperately from his lunch so it wouldn’t be thrown out.
I knew in that moment that He would provide everything we needed. He provided J a lunch. He would provide a new container for me. The thing is God not only provides for us, He provides exceedingly, abundantly, above and beyond what we can ask, think or imagine! Suddenly, I was seeing things clearer. I was able to recognize the fear I had and know that I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind!
In addition, my God has gone above and beyond just providing a meal and a container. In the last week I have been given several containers, several lunches to go, cooking ingredients, cereal, spices and all other sort of food related items, not to mention a new printer.
Talk about exceedingly, abundantly! This is simply to prove that God knows our needs. He is the Father who provides. As His children we are able to live in a place of trust. By living in a place of trust we live in a place of peace. Life is filled with many storms. There is this song I love that I cannot remember what it is called, but the key phrase is “Sometimes He calms the storm and sometimes He calms His child”. Whatever our storm is we do not have to be dictated or controlled by it. We walk with Him who has the controls to it all.
Think about the storms in your life. Are you currently in the middle of one or is one waiting on the edges of your horizon? Do not fear! Make a choice to trust. Whether your storm is financial, relational, spiritual or whatever you can weather the storm…and not only can you weather it, but your Father can take high above it. Open your eyes to see clearly and be at peace.
~Jessica
